Gravy Boat

Reasons I am enormous number 126,242: Gravy!!! Nuf Said!!!! Today my boss called from a little breakfast restaurant and asked if she could pick me up anything. I jumped at the chance to lose myself in Bacon and eggs with a biscuit and gravy. Please know that the biscuits at this restaurant are the size of a cinder block and the gravy is tooooo die for....You feeling me?? Anyways, about 1 minute before my boss is to arrive with my heart healthy meal, my lovely husband arrives at my work just to say HI......All I can think of is DAMMMMITTT I do not want to share my heart healthy meal with him!!! Fat girl thinking 101....I would share anything I have with this man, but stay the hell off my gravy friend!!! So, low and behold my food gets here and it is in two to-go containers.(YAY :)) One holds bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns. The other is the enormous biscuit with enough gravy to float a battleship. I want to cry because Jeff is here!!! Somehow in my pea brain I Need ALL this food!!! SICK!!!! After I threw myself to the ground and threw a temper tantrum in my mind, I shared my meal with Jeff, and there was food left over after both of us ate. Had I been here alone I guarantee I would have consumed all of it!! What in the hell is wrong with me?? I do not want to be fat!!! I do not do anything about it though!!! I must be ok with being fat...right?? Here's to trying to develop new habits. Here's to sharing your meal with others!!! It's o.k. fatty, there will be enough for you! I am currently starting a petition to outlaw gravy in the United States. And, perhaps biscuits too. Wish me luck!!

Do ya ever???

Do you ever wish you could just run away?? Just get in your car and end up god knows where?? Ever wish you could just put everyone you love in freeze mode and take a couple weeks for yourself?? Ever get so frigging tired that you just can't sleep?? Ever have so much of any one thing that you feel like you could vomit for a solid year??? Ever find out that everything you have been thinking might not be exactly what is actually going on?? Ever wanted to go fly a kite on a sandy beach where no one knows where you are?? Ever think of how it might be if you were finally alone for once?? Ever wake up and be so thankful for every single solitary disruption your family causes?? Ever feel so incredibly guilty for wishing you could be alone?? I do.

Old Friends

It's funny how at one point in your life your friends are everything and your lives are hopelessly tangled with each others. Then with the blink of an eye you have no idea what is going on with one another. I have kept in contact with a few of my girlfriends through the years. One in particular I talk with almost every day, still. A few I talk with about monthly, and wish it was more. The relationships I have forged with these women has seen me through a good portion of my life. I love them, they are my chosen family. Sisters who I got to pick out for my very own. A blessing beyond comprehension. A special gift that I cherish with every single breath I take. I try to never take them for granted, and know in my heart they love me as very much as I love them.
That being said I also have male friends that I have had for a number of years. I do not talk with them like my girls. Seems I put out the effort and the men just don't. Just like real life! HAHA.... At any rate, I got a call last night from a male friend. Someone I have kept in contact with off and on since I was 16 years old. I was elated to hear his voice. We talked and laughed and reminisced for about an hour. So much has happened in our lives since we talked last. We hung up and I was left with sorrow. My friend is so different. My friend is not the same as I left him. My friend is addicted to drugs. I think my friend may be killing himself. I love the him I knew so much!! I am not sure if I love the current him with that much of a fever. Do I rush in to save him like I would if it were one of my girls? Do I let his wife sort out what surely is not my problem?? I slept restlessly knowing that I was so damn worried about him. My heart is full of sorrow and so very heavy today. He knows he has a problem. Did he call me to reach out for help?? I spoke with him frankly about the drugs I heard in his voice. I begged him to get help and he assured me he would. Still....I have the worst feeling in the pit of my belly. I guess for now I will let it be. I will keep in touch a bit more. I will pray for my friend to get help and happiness in his life. I hope my friend knows that I do love him, and will be filled with faith beyond belief that he finds a way to be comfortable in this thing we call life.

Stuck in the 80's

Last Friday I went to get my hair cut and colored. The beautician looked at me with extreme displeasure and let me know that I was, "stuck in the 80's". For those of you who may not know I was a teenager in the eighties....I am sure that the things that I like may be hopelessly linked to that decade....But, who in the hell is she to tell me this? Anyway, later on in my huge beauty appointment the beautician turned up her nose at my choice of eyeliner. She let me know that purple was far too young for me and did not belong on the top and bottom of my eyes. Suddenly I realized that this woman thinks I am old. Are you frigging kidding me?? I started to question everything about myself in the hair and makeup departments. This woman reworked my makeup to give me the "smokey eyes". Ok.....I do not like the smokey eyes. I love them on some people but they are not for me. It is just way too much makeup and makes me feel too "made up" if that makes any sense. I allowed this woman to do my hair and makeup knowing full well when I left there the first thing I would do is go wash my face and curl my hair. The flat iron is just not for me. So, here is my point. Who gets to decide what it is that is hip and current, and wow?? I suppose the point of makeup is first and foremost to look attractive to others. Is it so far beyond the realm of possibility to think that I do not give a shit what others think, and I wear that purple eyeliner because I LOVE IT??? When I look in the mirror I see the most amazing green eyes staring back at me, surrounded by purple. I will never stop wearing what I like!!! I do not wear makeup to keep up. I do not wear makeup to be cool. I wear my makeup to make myself feel beautiful, period. End of story. I will not be pushed into wearing more or less, or this shade or that. I like what I do and I guess if I am stuck in the 80's then so be it. As far as my hair goes, it was bad then and has not gotten better through the years. If my cut is from the 80's, well here's a big frigging news flash, so am I!! I implore all women to actually do what makes you feel beautiful. If it's no makeup, cleopatra eyes, smokey eyes, no foundation, too much powder, bright red lipstick who gives a shit. Wear it for you sister!!!