WOW

I am here to empty my head. I have so many thoughts swirling that if I do not dispel them I may explode. First and foremost I am unemployed. I worked at the same job for the past 8 years. It is not so much the lack of money that is devastating, but the lack of purpose. I mean, I know I am worth something....but, it just does not seem as rewarding. Perspective I guess. I went to the same place, worked with the same people, did relatively the same things for a lot of years....now I don't. It is almost like the loss of a love......On to bigger and better things I guess. I miss it though....god, I miss it. Next I want to address adult women with male children. The infamous daughter in-law......Wow....What a ride this has been.....LORD. Having to actually love someone you did not pick....I know sounds incredibly selfish right?? I think that this girl is the most poison thing my son has ever gotten himself into. Lesson for the year....Denise keep your fat mouth shut, and keep your big ass out of their business!!! Even though I think I am helping, I honestly have ideas and experience that wraps circles around their whirlwind 2 minute romance.....that being said they still do not want to hear my words of wisdom.....MY BAD LOL.....For petes sake if you do not want to hear my honest opinion please quit inundating me with information, and crying about what is going on.....I am a mother...NOT A THERAPIST!! I only have my own experiences to draw from, and your lack of therein makes me right...right?? HA! Last time I go without sleep because of you. Scattered ranting right?? I have started to forget what day it is....one blends into the next......I only know its the weekend because Jeff does not go to work...When the paychecks come I know it is around the first of the month....or the middle....I have gotten better at housekeeping....I am not sure if that's good or bad.....I cook big meals now....I have gained most of the 40 pounds I have lost....I think deep down I am just a miserable cow......Now on to the court thing....The 400 dollar car, that will surely cost me 25000....no one else seems to work long enough to pay.....I am excited for it to be done....It has caused me more than a few sleepless evenings.....GET YOUR JUDGMENT......I did not do it, I was not there, I find this to be the biggest travesty of justice and misuse of the United States court system....but, whatever..I will fight until the end, and when we lose, which I am sure we will, I will know that I did my best to fight the ugly and totally unfair!!!! Boo Hoo Hoo Poor Denise....On to loyalty....WHY is this so hard for some??? I mean...REALLY??? I figure if you ride that fence your entire life and never, ever jump off....what the hell do you have to look back on and be proud of??? I once stood up for a man I did not even know....in the fallout I lost a damn good job, people I thought were my friends, and myself......Today I think back on that time and I am so damned proud of myself. I am proud that good or bad I was loyal to myself no matter the consequence. I have a lot of those types of times in my life....I also have alot of wacky times when I thought I was right and I had gone round the bend for a minute....oh well, live and learn......In search of the substance that will surely make my life meaningful....I do love my husband, and I am sure he loves me. I have 3 beautiful children who each bring their own bag of tricks to my table....they are unique and different....I love them all so very much....I have 2 beautiful grand boys who are the absolute love of my life....I have baby mama who claims the twins are ours....who just may move to North Dakota because welfare is higher there.....yep, you read right.....All that being said things are good. The occassional kook in my head has the fleeting opportunity to ruin everything but I strive to keep it contained :)....My hope for today is my sister gets and job and moves out of my house. I am tired of living with you. I am tired of sharing my things with you. I am tired of being your mother, I have raised my children...leave me alone, I am tired..........Gotta go make the bed.......